6th & 7th Weeks - The 4th and Last AC Treatment

 I really love having my normal days. I didn’t exercise, but I got a lot of other stuff done. My normal days are coming up again, so I hope to make some treadmill and yoga time a priority. Leading up to my last AC chemo treatment was rough if I gave it any thought at all to getting my chemo. I can’t explain why, except that I really feel it’s a mental thing. The thought of getting the Adriamycin “Red Devil” pushed into my port just made my stomach churn. I discussed it with my Dr. and she mentioned a drug that she usually doesn't like to give. I suggested maybe using the same medicine that she had given me during my last treatment. We agreed to try that. She was happy with most of my blood work. The most concerning thing was that my platelets were down to 107,000. Normal range is 150,000-350,000. When it gets below 100,000, she will sometimes postpone treatments. So prayers that my platelets are high enough to continue treatment next time would be appreciated. They gave me the extra medicine first, so it would start taking effect. Probably a good thing. I was fine until they started getting ready to push the “Red Devil”. I requested the ice to freeze my mouth while they pushed it, but I had to be cautious because I would start to gag while chewing the ice. Once they were done with that part, I was better. That’s part of the reason I know it's a mental thing. What goes through the IV, I don’t have the problem with. Even writing about it a week later makes me feel miserable. Here are a couple pictures of my last Adriamycin and Cytoxan. The meds definitely started working, and I was sleeping through the last part of my treatment. 

Cytoxan

Red Devil

I had started a puzzle before my treatment, hoping I would still be motivated to work on it during my tired days, but I just didn’t have the physical energy or the mental capacity to handle it. It’s amazing how much chemo takes out of you mentally. I had grand plans to fix a breakfast for myself a week after treatment, but the energy just wasn't there. I did it the next day though, which worked out perfect.

The next phase of my treatment is the Taxol. That first appointment will be a long session. Because there is such a high risk of allergic reaction, they give you antihistamines and give you the Taxol slowly the first time. That way if you have a reaction, they stop the Taxol, and push more antihistamines, then restart the Taxol more slowly. I’m also signed up for a clinical trial that will compare the difference between wearing a temperature controlled glove and sock on one side, and using ice water on the other. That’s to reduce the neuropathy (numbness and tingling) that often occurs as a result of Taxol. Sometimes the neuropathy goes away, sometimes it’s more permanent, so this is an effort to reduce the risk of permanent neuropathy. 

5th Week - AC Treatment

If you’ve been reading the blogs, you have figured out the routine of my symptoms. So to keep it short, The days after treatment have pretty much been like the other days after treatment. The only difference is that I felt like I was less tired this time around, but I was still whooped. As an example, if I decide to clean around the house or do something physical, I have about 30-45 minutes of effort before I am ready to sit and recuperate. I hand it to people who keep working everyday through chemo. There is no way I could do either of my jobs for the first 8 days after chemo. My normal days of working at the hospital rack up at least twice as many steps in a day as teaching. Physically, I would be on my feet working the whole shift, except for breaks. It can be a physically tiring job. Teaching on the other hand isn’t as physically tiring, because on rough days I can sit more while I teach, but it’s mentally tiring. If I’m getting worn out and need a break after 30-40 minutes of work around the house, then I can’t imagine being with it enough to hold 15-20 kids’ attention for 3 hours at a time. Even if I sat the whole time, the mental effort of doing teaching and decision making while on chemo would be exhausting, physically as well as mentally. 

This Bitmoji pretty well sums up my energy level for the first 9-10 after treatment.

My new struggle this wee is that I'm supposed to be drinking 64 oz a day. The first 2 cycles (4 weeks) I did pretty well with that. Not so much this week. It didn't matter what I had on hand, I didn't want to drink that much. I have Gatorade, Bai Water, powdered drink packets, lemon water, Sprite. None of it mattered. I barely got half of what was recommended each day. Hopefully that changes for the next cycle.

I also noticed a persistent mild ache coming from the lump. That means the chemo is kicking butt and taking names in the cancerous lump department. I met with the surgeon part way through the week. She asked if I had noticed any changes with the lump, and I told her I had. She noticed them too. It’s softer, and then edges are less defined. Essentially, it’s melting like the Wicked Witch of the West, but more slowly. She asked if I had made a decision about surgery yet. I told her I keep going back and forth, and I hadn’t fully decided yet. Fair warning, I’m going to be blunt here. The thought of just cutting the lump out and healing up quicker sounds wonderful. But then there is the fact that it’s going to make things really unbalanced and awkward for wearing bras, I’ll have to keep going back for imaging and ultrasounds every 6 months as long as I have ‘dense breast tissue’ which will be at least 20 more years if family genetics are any indication, having anxiety every time there is something slightly abnormal that requires an ultrasound, and then there’s the worry about it coming back or recurring. Then there’s the single mastectomy option, the bilateral mastectomy option, and whether or not to have reconstruction. I've read several articles from women who have chosen to go flat, and those who had reconstruction. Each has list of legitimate pros and cons. You'd think reconstruction wouldn't have wardrobe issues, but apparently it does. Going flat has its wardrobe issues too. Either way, we're talking about major surgery. I’m about 80% sure I’m going to have a bilateral mastectomy (they take both sides), and probably have reconstruction, but the idea of going in and basically being sliced open clear across my chest is not exactly something I look forward to. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but it’s not like this is a laparoscopic surgery. I figure at minimum there will be several inches of incisions on each side, weeks of pain, and months of discomfort. The port annoying me for a few weeks was nothing. This will not be fun, but neither is the chemo. So I’m going to wait until my genetics results where we pour over family history and blood tests, then meet with my surgeon again in mid-late November, and have an answer by then. I just need to get myself mentally prepped for whatever decision I make. 

4th week - AC Treatment

 On Day 10 of my 2nd chemo cycle, Brad and I were watching TV in the evening and all of a sudden I realized that I was sitting forward looking around that room wondering what I should work on. I looked at Brad and said, “The chemo wore off.” I don’t know if that's exactly true, but that's how I can best explain it. My energy was back, and my brain was fully functioning. I refer to it as a switch being flipped or a curtain being raised. A more accurate description is probably like early morning fog that slowly lifts. Sometimes it just keeps holding on, or patches of it stick around, and then all of a sudden it’s gone. So I spent my next days cleaning inside and outside, taking advantage of the nice weather. I walked on the treadmill and did some yoga and box fit with the Xbox. 

I also worked on getting rid of the hair on my head. Yes, that’s correct, I wanted it gone. I was taking my pillow into the bathroom and shaking the loose hair off into the bathtub in the morning after I’d wake up. Then I’d be itchy all day around my collar because some of those short hairs would fall out and get caught. I was soooooo over it. My uncle was in the Navy in the late 70s and early 80s, and he talked about how the guys would play “Odd or even” on the subs by yanking each other's hair out in various places. Well, this is what it looked like if you pinched hair from the top of my head. Imagine counting that.

So you just imagine what I was dealing with. When I washed my head, I just took my wet hand over my wet hair and this started happening. 

It took a while, but I came out looking kinda bald. I probably lost about 80-90% of my hair. Honestly I like it a lot better now. Except that the next morning I got up and put a robe on, and decided I needed to get on Amazon and buy a hooded robe. A bare head gets pretty cold. I’m not sure how some men do it. The robes weren’t too badly priced, and I found one with decent, reliable reviews. I see myself using it a lot this winter. 

Then I spent part of a day trying to figure out medical bills. Knowing what my deductible and max out-of-pocket is, and then looking at the notices and bills that were coming in, and was confused. So I called my insurance which was not helpful. Then I called Parkview which was somewhat helpful then called insurance back, which was very helpful. That’s also when I decided I was done playing phone tag and trying to figure out what was what and who was doing what. They could talk to each other about it. 

I won’t lie, I feel a mental game coming on with the chemo. Whenever I thought about going in for my chemo session, I would feel a little nauseous. As soon as I focused on something else, it went away. I tried to keep pushing this out of my mind. For the life of me, I don’t know why that was happening. The side effects from the chemo have been so manageable, that I’m seriously happy about it. Other than mental fog and just being tired, everything has been great. No mouth sores, no nausea (other than a brief mild spell on the first day of treatment), no vomiting, no bone pain. Sleep has been much better, and I have my normal days which are great. 

On treatment day, my 3rd cycle of AC, my blood work came back great. WBC were just slightly lower than normal, but that’s not surprising. I went down for my chemo and ordered breakfast rather than lunch. I ate my sandwich and decided to save the orange and muffin for later. I was expecting the chemo feeling to kick in part way through the red devil, like it had last time. This time it kicked in during premeds. I thought that was odd. I should have known something was up because the nurse asked me several times throughout the process if I was doing alright. I think she could tell. For the most part I thought I was okay. By the time all the chemo and everything was done, I was already starting with some mild nausea. I let the nurse now, and she asked if I had brought anything meds with me. The only meds I have for this are the ones they just gave me in the IV before this started, so I was pretty sure that wouldn’t be helpful. She wanted to know whether I wanted a medicine called into the pharmacy or if I wanted before I left. Considering the 45 minute car ride home, I requested it before I left. They gave me an anti-anxiety med that works for nausea, but it would make me tired. I figured that would be perfect. By the time we got home, I was starting to fall asleep in the car. I laid down when I got inside and slept from about 2pm-7pm, ate just a little bit, and then went back to sleep from 9pm-9am the next morning. In other words, I slept through most of my treatment day. I’m not complaining, either, treatment days are the hardest.

3rd Week - AC Treatment

My heart-shaped mark on the back of my head. Taken while I was fixing spaghetti.

I’m going to sum up most of the week as a whole, rather than by each day. I did much better this time around after my chemo than the 1st time around. (If you remember, I had the port put in the day before my 1st chemo treatment.) Again, the steroids certainly helped on those first few days, but I only have them for a few days. So once they’re out, I notice a big difference in energy. The kind of difference where you just need to sit a rest after taking a shower. The one night I made spaghetti for dinner. I pulled a chair in front of the stove, browned the beef, warmed the sauce, boiled the spaghetti, put the garlic bread in the oven. I sat more than I stood while everything cooked. Brad asked several times if I wanted help, but I was insistent that I do this myself. By the time it was ready, I was exhausted. He did the clean up. Days like that make me feel justified about not being in the classroom. I honestly don’t think I could be in teacher mode for 9 hours everyday the week after chemo. I could make it through a portion of a day here and there, but teaching requires more than I could give it physically and mentally during that week. About day 9, I actually have the energy and brain power to start accomplishing things, but I’ve also noticed that’s the day when I start getting back spasms when I sit, which I’ve never really experienced before. I have my share of lower back issues, and I often have back pain, but it’s strange that on Day 9 of my first 2 chemo cycles, I have back pain. Our guess is that all the steroids I get on Days 1-4 takes all the inflammation and everything out of my low back, which would also be the reason I don’t have back pain the week I live on the couch. Then after a few days of no steroids, the inflammation starts coming back, and so does the back pain. That’s our theory at least. 

Early in the week I washed my hair. I lost an insane amount of hair. My sides are shaved, so it all came from the top. I kinda decided that day that I would not be washing again while it’s long. So sometime towards the end of week, I’d shave it. As hair slowly escaped the french braid on my head, there would be a ridiculous amount of hair on my pillow in the morning, and on the shoulders throughout the day. I was so over it and ready to shave it by mid week. There’s this thing “scalp pain” that some people go through when losing their hair due to chemo. I had noticed the top of my head being tender whenever I touched it. Needless to say, I was cringing when Brad ran the clippers over the top of my head. But I was glad it was done. Then I had to look at myself in the mirror. I can’t quite pull off the looks of Demi Moore in GI Jane or Charlize Theron in Mad Max. I did decide I looked better with my glasses on than my contacts. I just didn’t look like me. I wasn’t sad, or upset, or angry, or anything. I was just kinda like, “Well, time to break out the bandanas, because this looks funky.” Ironically, I’d started wearing bandanas a lot during You-Know-What last spring, and I had just ordered some from Amazon in late summer. So thankfully I’m pretty stocked up on headcovers between those and the fabric I picked up at Jo-Ann's. 

This is one days hair loss from washing my hair.

I want to take a moment and thank you for all of the cards, meals, and gifts I have received. It amazes me how good people are. After all the negative and annoying junk we’ve been through in 2020, I love that there are so many people who genuinely care. It’s a little glimpse of heaven on Earth when you are on the receiving end of so much love. People I know well, people I know through someone else, and in some cases, people I don’t know at all are being like Jesus in their generosity and compassion. Jesus didn’t spend his time with the rich and well known. Jesus spent his time with the average and even the hated people of society. He truly loved everyone, and he showed indescribable compassion to those that everyone else in society rejected. Recently, I have felt more like someone who hasn’t done enough in the past to show that love to others. As others continue to pour their love on me, I am determined that when I get through this, I will be the one pouring Jesus’s love onto others tenfold. I already have ideas running through my head of what I want to do for those in need. I can’t wait. 

Episode 6 of The Chosen is called "Indescribable Compassion." It shows Jesus healing a leaper. The casting, writing, and acting of this show is truly amazing. You will not find it on TV, Netflix, Amazon, or any of the traditional outlets. It is only available through their website and apps. It is also available for free. It is a completely crowd sourced show, which means they have the freedom of doing it right, and not being controlled by Hollywood. Watch the clip below and if you want to watch more, here are the links.

The Chosen Website The Chosen IOS App           The Chosen Android App