5th Week - AC Treatment

If you’ve been reading the blogs, you have figured out the routine of my symptoms. So to keep it short, The days after treatment have pretty much been like the other days after treatment. The only difference is that I felt like I was less tired this time around, but I was still whooped. As an example, if I decide to clean around the house or do something physical, I have about 30-45 minutes of effort before I am ready to sit and recuperate. I hand it to people who keep working everyday through chemo. There is no way I could do either of my jobs for the first 8 days after chemo. My normal days of working at the hospital rack up at least twice as many steps in a day as teaching. Physically, I would be on my feet working the whole shift, except for breaks. It can be a physically tiring job. Teaching on the other hand isn’t as physically tiring, because on rough days I can sit more while I teach, but it’s mentally tiring. If I’m getting worn out and need a break after 30-40 minutes of work around the house, then I can’t imagine being with it enough to hold 15-20 kids’ attention for 3 hours at a time. Even if I sat the whole time, the mental effort of doing teaching and decision making while on chemo would be exhausting, physically as well as mentally. 

This Bitmoji pretty well sums up my energy level for the first 9-10 after treatment.

My new struggle this wee is that I'm supposed to be drinking 64 oz a day. The first 2 cycles (4 weeks) I did pretty well with that. Not so much this week. It didn't matter what I had on hand, I didn't want to drink that much. I have Gatorade, Bai Water, powdered drink packets, lemon water, Sprite. None of it mattered. I barely got half of what was recommended each day. Hopefully that changes for the next cycle.

I also noticed a persistent mild ache coming from the lump. That means the chemo is kicking butt and taking names in the cancerous lump department. I met with the surgeon part way through the week. She asked if I had noticed any changes with the lump, and I told her I had. She noticed them too. It’s softer, and then edges are less defined. Essentially, it’s melting like the Wicked Witch of the West, but more slowly. She asked if I had made a decision about surgery yet. I told her I keep going back and forth, and I hadn’t fully decided yet. Fair warning, I’m going to be blunt here. The thought of just cutting the lump out and healing up quicker sounds wonderful. But then there is the fact that it’s going to make things really unbalanced and awkward for wearing bras, I’ll have to keep going back for imaging and ultrasounds every 6 months as long as I have ‘dense breast tissue’ which will be at least 20 more years if family genetics are any indication, having anxiety every time there is something slightly abnormal that requires an ultrasound, and then there’s the worry about it coming back or recurring. Then there’s the single mastectomy option, the bilateral mastectomy option, and whether or not to have reconstruction. I've read several articles from women who have chosen to go flat, and those who had reconstruction. Each has list of legitimate pros and cons. You'd think reconstruction wouldn't have wardrobe issues, but apparently it does. Going flat has its wardrobe issues too. Either way, we're talking about major surgery. I’m about 80% sure I’m going to have a bilateral mastectomy (they take both sides), and probably have reconstruction, but the idea of going in and basically being sliced open clear across my chest is not exactly something I look forward to. Okay, that’s an exaggeration, but it’s not like this is a laparoscopic surgery. I figure at minimum there will be several inches of incisions on each side, weeks of pain, and months of discomfort. The port annoying me for a few weeks was nothing. This will not be fun, but neither is the chemo. So I’m going to wait until my genetics results where we pour over family history and blood tests, then meet with my surgeon again in mid-late November, and have an answer by then. I just need to get myself mentally prepped for whatever decision I make.